I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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