We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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