the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
