woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
