I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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