Someone shit on the floor
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
