I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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