Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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