Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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