Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
