how can u be prego again
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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