Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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