I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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