Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I smell stomach acid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
