They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
