I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
