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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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