Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
