we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
