When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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