This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
