I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
