"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
