so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
