I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
