i need an iv and a liver transplant
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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