there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got inside last night via doggy door
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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