Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
