I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
