I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
