We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
