I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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