so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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