she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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