when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
