go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
