I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
