life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
