when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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