Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
