i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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