oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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