im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
