So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
