ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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