I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
