I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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