My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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