Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
