Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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