I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
