why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
