you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
