need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's blow job season.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
