Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
